Dear Friends,
This is one of my favorite times of the year and I am honored and excited to share this wonderful paper written by my insightful friend, Katherine Dean, right in time for Thanksgiving.
This paper gets to the core of my philosophy that a family that links itself not only by blood but by affinity has the greatest chance of preserving the family as a whole for at least five generations. This is not always simple and family members have to be willing to put in the work, but with that perspiration comes the rewards that help us all make our families into stronger building blocks for a flourishing society.
In this, our seventh Hidden Gem, Katherine shares many approaches and techniques to help families create a positively attractive environment for your family of affinity. I hope you enjoy!
Happy Thanksgiving and Namaste,
Jay
by Katherine W. Dean (2023) | Summary :
The article Helping Families Create a Positively Attractive Environment explores how families can intentionally build a culture that attracts members to stay connected, participate, and feel part of something larger than themselves.
Dean describes a positively attractive environment as a welcoming family culture where members feel seen, heard, accepted, and supported. It is compared to a “better party” that people want to attend voluntarily, not because they are forced to be there.
The article explains that creating this kind of environment requires intentional work at both the individual and family-system level. Families must develop healthier communication patterns, name hidden tensions, create shared agreements, and learn how to handle conflict before it becomes damaging.
Dean highlights tools such as a Designed Family Alliance, communication roadmaps, emotional awareness, metaskills, the ACT Matrix, and family compacts. These tools help families clarify their “why,” define what flourishing means, and create alignment around shared interests rather than forcing complete agreement.
In conclusion, the article emphasizes that a positively attractive environment cannot be created by advisors alone. The family must co-create it, practice it, revisit it, and keep it alive through rituals, storytelling, communication, and ongoing commitment.
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